"From the Adam's Apple #1: The Dillusional Mann Coulter"

In our “From the Adam’s Apple” posts, we’ll dissect the latest rant from that manly brute, Ann Coulter. And in the spirit of keeping any of her readers who may ever stumble on this site entertained, we’ll dish out as much insult on her as she’s so fond of putting out.

The title, “From the Adam’s Apple”, hopefully needs no explanation. But, since this is the first post of the series, we’ll go ahead with some background anyways. Little is more entertaining to fascist conservatives than her regular questioning of the sexuality or manliness of Democrats. It makes their little ones seem bigger, sort of like a verbal hedge-trimming. But she forgets that she’s got an Adam’s Apple, a big, fat, manly throat that, coupled with her rhetoric, makes her seem more like a long-haired insecure man than a woman. So, just to help maintain karmic equilibrium on her behalf, we’ll call her gender into question as often as possible.

In her latest diatribe, in Human Events, against the commonly-held belief that the Iraq occupation is making us less safe, she defends her pwesident while attacking the 2008 Democratic field.

She starts out by repeating the classic, “Bush administration has kept America safe for 6 years” garbage. Not that it’s hard, being that the first WTC bombing and 9/11 were spaced by 8 years, under the “failed” anti-terror regimes of the Clinton administration. Basically, most presidents should be able to get in and out of two terms without giving up a big one like that. This administration has only made America “safer” by providing the enemy with more accessible targets… our troops. In typical Republican fashion, they’ve outsourced our victims for terrorism to Iraq.

The Republicans’ entire national security calculus is based on the intestinal inconsistencies of Chertoff. Memos, intelligence, and facts have no bearing on the level of preparedness this administration feels is appropriate. But Chertoff farts, and Cheney takes over as the fourth branch of the federal government.

She thinks that despite all the polls and the general trend away from neo-conservatism, that people will rally behind Bush and abandon the Democratic push against the war, when the next attack comes. The fact is, when there’s another terrorist attack, it’s game-over for the Republican fun bag they brought to the playground on 9/12. The Patriot Act, spying on civilians, ineffectual torture, the misinterpretation of the Constitution and the Geneva Convention, and the entire “father knows best” dismissive attitude towards dissent and thoughtful deliberation become abandoned relics we can ignore and will become permanent cues for the true sociopath putting him or herself forward as “the candidate we’d most like to have a beer with.”

In Iraq, we are not fighting the enemy; we are creating more of them. The original, not very effective, rally cry of the Islamic fundamentalist was our presence in the Holy Land, actually just a decade-long living allegory of our prior support for repressive and corrupt governments in Egypt and Saudi Arabia. Now, they can claim we kill women and children. Yes, it’s generally in the course of killing those who attack our troops, but that fact generally fails to dissuade an orphan or widower from seeking vengeance.

Coulter claims that support for redeployment would fade in the wake of another terrorist attack. In last year’s Foreign Affairs poll of national security experts, 87% said that the war in Iraq was undermining the war on terror. This opinion was obviously shared by the American people who swept the Republicans out of power in Congress, because of the Iraq War.

Coulter’s continued use of Obama’s middle name, Hussein, is certainly one of the slimier tactics she employs to keep the Bumpersticker clan of the inbred Republican extended family on board with this moronic policy (she figures they’ll be afraid that we’re going to show up to the polls and vote into the White House a Saddam-Osama hybrid in Barrack). She’s wasting good rhetoric in this effort, as this group is kept in line more by their fear of black men and any women than they are by terrorist-sounding names.

In regards to her attack on Dodd’s position (Damn that Bush, he’s inflamed an imaginary enemy!), she obviously is to busy insulting to understand what reality is; that the Bush administration has cried wolf too many times to be taken seriously; so much, in fact, that they’ve blinded themselves to real dangers. Sort of like a girl who attacks everyone for being homosexual would’ve broadened that definition too far to realize that she had crossed that actual line herself ages ago!

Mann Coulter imagines that we blame all future terrorist attacks on Iraq, but 9/11 disproves our faulty logic. Unfortunately for her, the reality is much sadder. We blame all future terrorist attacks on this administration’s failure to defeat those who attacked us on 9/11; we blame 9/11 on her pwesident’s distaste for reading, be it a newspaper, or a national security memo.

Finally, in typical Fox News fashion, Coulter tries to tie the Iraqi insurgency to the Third Reich, claiming Democrats wouldn’t have fought Germany after it declared war on us. Let me say this clearly enough that it gets past the curly black hairs in your ears, Ann; IRAQ NEVER DECLARED WAR UN US. In fact, even the invasion didn’t seem to bother most Iraqi’s, including their troops. It was her pwesident’s mismanagement of the entire affair that has led to this.

The Republican Party is in chaos, and there’s no one in charge over there. It’s a wounded animal that should be left to die painfully in the woods, to serve as a small part of the penance it owes the higher power it’s blasphemed for the past four decades. In the mean time, it will lash out, anytime anyone goes near it. The key, Mrs. Edwards, is not to get close enough to be bitten. Just point and say, “How sad, someone should put that thing down.” But for those of us not campaigning, who don’t have to stick to a script, we can laugh, and hope that this beast’s demise is agonizingly loud, for our own amusement.